Thankful

I am thankful for all of my blessings. I often complain of not having enough money and love. I hate my job, hate my small apartment, hate my significant other, intermittently hate my children. I sometimes hate my whole life.

I look around and see those who don't have jobs, and think then that I am blessed to have a job. I look around and see those who are homeless, and am thankful that I own an apartment that provides shelter for me and my love ones. I see the father of my children who works at our relationship as best he can though I am unwilling sometimes to meet him half way, and the way that he provides for his children and me a homelife that is nourishing despite the grumpiness of all concerned, and I am thankful. My children come into focus as healthy and happy children sometimes caught in the throes of hormones and becoming young adults, and understand that the path to adulthood sometimes frustrates parents because it does not run straight and narrow, but is sometimes crooked, bumpy, beaten, uneven and frustrating to the parents who have to bear witness and suffer because of the course their children are taking. I do realize my children will come to the end of their paths as developed and mature adults and tell myself I am thankful they are up for the challenge.

I pity myself sometimes. I think of what my life would have been like if I had parents who were not children when they had me. I think of the vast possibilities I would have had if I was a child that was cared for properly by parents who loved their child. And then, when I snap out of self pity, I remember that my experiences as a child have molded me into the person that I am today. I am a person that knows I am deserving of goodness. I am a person that has accomplished many great things despite many early disadvantages and obstacles. I have a stable lifestyle that consist of a committed relationship with children, family and friends, home and job. I must always remember to be thankful for all that I have because I am blessed.