Invoking the Spirit

I want to evoke the spirit of family members who have been successful. So many in my family have been persons who are of no consequence. Drug addicts, thieves, prostitutes, liars, and thugs. I want to be like those in my family who are homeowners, college graduates, business people, dignified and beloved by their family. I strive for the success that they have achieved, and think of them all the time in trying to replicate all that they have done.

When my mother calls me I wonder often how I could have been born to such an evil, dysfunctional individual. I am saddened that her inability to be a good person has impacted on me in ways that repercussion throughout my life. I often wonder were it is that she got lost and did not want to emulate her forefathers, but instead, acts like a thug and wants to spread pain and misery to all who meet her. Or perhaps, she never had the desire to emulate her mother and all the other wonderful people in our family and just took after the element of the family that is bad.

I remember being told of the family member who graduated from Columbia University during the early 1900's. I also remember being told of and seeing the deeds to 100's of acres of land my Great-Great Grandfather purchased in the 1800's and left to his descendants and has provided a livelihood for some family members who sell timber and rent out camp grounds on this land. I think of my Grand-Aunt who is well into her 80's who had a stable marriage of over 50 years and purchased 2 homes in the suburbs of NY, one of which she and her husband rented out for over 30 years.

It is those family members that I wish to invoke spiritually. I want to replicate their success. I wish to be as poised and respected as they are and were. I want their dignified lives. Their lives have provided a road map upon which I want to travel. I admire them and wish their success for me. I hope they are looking at me and hearing my wanting of this success, and will guide me.