Boxes

I am an African-American Adult Woman. Because of these facts, I feel that I am often treated like an inept woman. I have people that I work with, many of whom are subordinates, assume that I must lead a tragic life because I am African American, and therefore need their advice on how to make my life more endearing. I am often thought of as a quiet woman, and that further burdens me with the perception that because I am a minority who is quiet, I am ever the more tragic. Because I am not incessantly speaking of the things I do in my life must mean I do nothing in the time that I am not seen by the person who has this perception of me. These same people are certain that during the years before meeting them I could not have done anything worth merit as I do not brag of my accomplishments in those years prior, and as such, are shocked to learn of my being in a stable relationship for almost 20 years, homeowner for almost 25, married mother of 3 children, well educated and traveled.

I can only think that racism influences when those hearing me talk about my children assume I must be a single mother. I believe racism plays a big part when it is assumed I have never traveled, and that when hearing of my taking a vacation to Egypt assume I must be visiting relatives' homes (I am not Egyptian). Or ask incredulously how I got into a Ivy League School as though I couldn't have done so without a pistol to the head of admission unlike all other students who filled out an application and waited with baited breath for an answer. I have actually had people question if I was telling the truth about my attendance at an Ivy League School. Whenever it gets to the point of someone literally calling me a liar about my accomplishments, it is very upsetting.

Why must I be perceived negatively? Why are there any assumptions about any aspect of my life? Why if assumptions are made are they made negatively and not positively? Why can I not be perceived as the brightest woman ever who went to an Ivy league school, instead of thought as a stereotypical single Black female with 3 kids by different fathers.

I am proud of who I am, but perturbed by the general assumptions people make about me. These general assumptions are like boxes that you are placed in and locked in. The pity that often ensues is equally infuriating. These same people who though view me negatively think that I am worthy of their guidance in getting out of the quagmire of inaptitude because I do not "act" like the usual stereotype which is classified by the word "ghetto". And as such, am deserving of their help. It is often during this phase of trying to "help" me that they usually get screamed at by me because they have stated a misconception and assumption about me during their role-playing of savior of "The Poor Black Girl". I had one little boy, all of 28 years old, who seemed perpetually high off of some drug, tell me he felt like he was my father and wanted to give me career advice. One co-worker, a guy, who admitted to me some months earlier that he was a recovering heroin junkie and that during his active phase of addiction received welfare and sold food stamps to support his habit, told me that I should do something more endearing with my life. After calming myself down for two hours, he was reamed and raked over the coals for saying something so disrespectful to me, and doing so based on assumptions. This person knew nothing of my efforts and success in helping to establish two birthing centers in some of the poorest congressional districts in the US. These birthing centers are located in The South Bronx and The 5th Ward of DC. I did not tell him of my efforts and success in establishing these entities as I don't have to validate myself to anyone, especially a junkie. He was just told to never speak to me about what I should do with my life, keep his mouth shut, and to worry about his own life.

I am confident in my abilities, and I am confident in others inability to think of me as an able and adult human. Racism is at the core of people's inability to think of me as their equal or superior. I know that it is immature to think racism will disappear. But as long as those that perceive me negatively don't voice their racism to me I don't care about their thoughts of me. Words do hurt, and I will not be hurt verbally without returning fire with a dignified response.