Do I have to?

It is so peculiar that I have to remind myself that I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. I have many in my life that scream the words to me, "You have to ....," And to them I say, of late, "I don't have to do anything that I don't want to do." To this reply I often get a perplexed look, and I then explain to them that because I am a grown woman, and pay my own bills, and am not their slave, I can do or not do anything.

Unfortunately, choosing to do what you want to do is a novel concept to many who live in our society as we have been trained to follow social norms such as kissing the over-perfumed aunt on the cheek during the holidays as a child though she terrified us. This is usually the start of doing things that you don't want to do.

I recall a particular incident of my childhood that was a pearl of wisdom in how to not let anyone push you around. My best friend's Grandparents drove her home from school every day, and because I lived on the way, they dropped me off near my home. My friend's Grandfather said to his wife in an agitated tone that she had to do something to which she responded that all she ever had to do in her lifetime was, "Be black and die." I pondered that statement. She was of a hue that would always obligate those who met her to know she was Black, as there would be no way for her to ever disguise her Blackness, and all humans must die someday. From this statement made that eventful day in that car I gathered that anything anyone does is their choice, always, and as such, they cannot be forced to do anything. One does not have to do anything, one can only choose to do something.

I remind myself of what my best friend's Grandmother said to her beloved. I knew she loved him dearly. I knew she would do anything for him. But from that conversation I knew that she chose to do things for him, that she chose to love him. Those things that she did for him were choices and not things that she had to do for him. They were things she did for him because she wanted to and not because she was his wife and therefore had to do. Whatever things that he told her she had to do was not going to get done because she reminded him that her choice was not to do it.

I recall that lesson that I learned as a child that all that we do consists of choices we have and will make. We can never be forced to do anything good or bad or indifferent. If I don't want to kiss my over-perfumed Aunt, I will simply say no. If someone asks me to help them move to another apartment, I will say no. I don't have to do anything that I don't want to do as I have choices. Choices are the root of what defines you. You choose to be moral or immoral person. You choose to do the wrong or right thing. No one forces you to do wrong things, if that's your inclination. Choices are the embodiment of what we are as a people.