Manipulative People

I have often encountered many persons in my lifetime who are very manipulative and I have often wondered why they take such measures to achieve whatever it is they want through their manipulations. It is perplexing to understand such activities as often they are hurtful to all parties concerned. If the person doing all the manipulations would have simply asked for what they wanted and asked for something appropriate to the relationship between the persons asking and receiving, honestly, they may have gotten whatever it is they desired, and achieved that goal without duplicitous acts.

I have found that those who are manipulative are so because the things they ask of others that require these maneuvers are outrageous and inappropriate. Instead of doing something themselves that may make their lives harder, they try to get someone else to do it. Life is hard and there are many things people do not want to do but have to do because as a person one must do the responsible thing. I witnessed manipulative ways of others because the person doing the manipulating wants something inappropriately, or wants someone to do something that they should be doing themselves.

It has amazed me, in my daily travels, to encounter people who will look in your face and try to get you to do things that you have said you would not do. These are the people who will then try to circumvent your resolve via manipulation, subversion, and trickery, and just plain doggedness; continually asking you to do something that you have said no to on countless occasions. When told no, so bluntly, they then try to get you to do the very thing you have been very clear about not doing by instituting manipulative maneuvers. I have trained myself to realize that is a person who is trying to change me as a person, and has no respect for me as the individual that I am, and wishes me to be a drone, a follower, a submissive entity.

I have encountered these type of people in my personal relationships, my work relationships, and random encounters with strangers. A strange man will try to walk in behind me into my apartment building after I have opened my lobby door, and when I whirl around and ask, "Can help you?" I am looked at incredulously. I was told by one man that he was a cadet with the police department and I respond, "I don't care who you are. Step back," and closed the lobby door in his face. I couldn't believe that he was trying to do something that he wouldn't want anyone to do to his mother, sister, or wife, and then tried to use manipulative language that could assuaged the volatile encounter. Why could he not ring the bell to the apartment of whomever he wanted to visit to summon the buzz of the lobby door that would open it and allow him access? Why not do that as any responsible adult would? Then you have the usual encounters with relatives who try to get you to do things you absolutely don't want to do nor have the time to do. My mother tries to get me to do her hair under the pretense that she does not do the styles as well as I do to which I respond a hairdresser would do them even better. There are the guilt trips that people, family and otherwise, put on you to manipulate you into things you have said no to initially, and these I find, are the worst as they tug at your heart strings and may conjure up memories that are long gone.

I don't understand why the answer "no" is often not accepted. Why is that word seen as a barrier through which one can step through and receive the answer that was initially desired? Why can't "no" suffice? Why is the questioner too selfish to see that their needs as stated in the question, "Can you etc, etc, etc.....?" cannot be satisfied, cannot be met, via someone else, especially when they have been answered with a resounding, "no"? What many don't take into account are the emotions that they are trampling when they then try to subvert that "no" answer. Manipulative ways and the people that utilize them are to be looked upon as things to be avoided, and should that not be easily achieved one must stand their ground and not have their decision swayed. It has been a hard lesson for me to incorporate into my life, but it certainly feels good when I can, and I have done so more often than not. Life is too hard to do the things that you must do so that you can be proud of yourself as a responsible adult and then have someone try to drop their own burdens of personal responsibility on you. We all have a weight to bear and each of us should bear it accordingly.