Happy but not satisfied

Life is good for me right now. There is no drama. There are nor pressing financial matters nor anything that lies in my subconscious that is upsetting as I have made peace with many of the issues that have presented themselves in my life. So there is no stress. There is no fuss. Children are happy and healthy. My relationship with my significant other is as healthy as it will ever be. And that is good. Things over all are good. But I am restless. Though I am happy with my life as it stands, now, I want so much more than life is giving me, now. So I am planning and strategizing my pursuits of things that will make me happy. Voice-over lessons are crucial for me to get that feeling of being satiated. I must get the creative part of me moving and doing things that feel like progress. Planning my summer vacation must get underway to satisfy my wanderlust. I want to do the things that make the "me" that is separate from my family and my employment and what people expect me to be.

I am not only a mother, a wife, a worker. These are the things everyone expects me to be, and I am comfortable with those roles. But I am much more than what I am deemed by some who know me and others who think they know me. I define myself and though others' definition of me don't correlate with my definition of what and who I am, I must not settle into the patterns of definition people try to establish for me, but acquiesce for moments into the roles they wish for me to play. I will be the worker because I need to earn money. I will be the mother, a role I embrace the most, lovingly, as it is a role that reciprocates and feeds me love, and I will be a significant other as this role is one I want and seek. These roles are roles that have the input of others who draw the lines, along with me, that define these roles. But it is important that I have one role that only I define. I must not forget to define the "me" that is soley my responsibility. This role is outside of all the roles society and family expect of me. It is a role, a definition of "me", that only I can bring forth. Only I can do the things that I know will make me happy and bring to fruition all that makes me "me". No one else can do that because no one else can truly know all that I want. I seek things that express my creativity and thus help me to be "me", and am frustrated when my other roles (though I am accepting of them) sometimes get in the way of that happening. I must take time to establish a process that allows me to be "me".

I love the process of getting "me" together though it can be scary at times. I feel as though there is a purpose for the struggle that is life: I feel alive and that life is worth living. The defining of "me" is hard and I must get to work. I have much to do.